Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Fantasy -vs- Reality

In my dream I live. I live the life I always wanted. I wake up to sunshine and I believe my truth. Everything I do in this land is based on my truths.
I am strong.
I am Godly.
I am beautiful.
I am enough.
I am great.
"My" reality is freeing...its beautiful. I spend my days lingering in the essence of my truths. I spend my nights waiting to wake up to my mind...and the things I believe. Life is sweet and protected. I thought my reality...which in turn is really my fantasy was enough to keep me going.

But then you hear the words...that made you run to your fantasy land in the first place. And for some reason everything you had convinced yourself of you now know is just "your world..and not real at all". Because in the real are not are not beautiful...and you will never be enough. You will always be a trigger and held to a very scary position. You will always get hurt...Each time you hear the words..each time you feel the emotions...and every time a piece of your heart falls. And you have to step back and renter your fantasy world. Where you only exist...but you never have to experience "that" again.

So..fantasy or reality. A world of fantasy that you are completely in control of. That you decide what you experience...and turn your back to the pain. Or reality...where you pray each day that this is the day where you become numb and never have to feel this again...where the unexpected happens...where pain can exist.

Two worlds but one life. Fantasy or reality?

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