Wednesday, November 19, 2008

My Random Thoughts...

This is what is going through my mind doesn't have a purpose or even make sense. My mind is every where these days...

1. I really really believe Alabama will kick Florida's butt in SEC Championship
2. No matter how lost I am, God is always right next to me through it all.
3. I can not function without coffee. It's actually really sad.
4. My heart has been broken twice in the last month, that doesn't excite me for the future.
5. My sister is my world, and I adore her. We may not always get along or agree, but I would do anything for her.
6. Music leads me to the most unknown place in my spirit. It guides me to my emotions, and eventually to myself.
7. Will the church ever be a place that everyone will call home?
8. I feel so protected and safe in Alabama. Like I'm invisible and nothing can touch me.
9. I am way more of an introvert than I thought. Spending time by myself is one of my favorites.
10. Anyone has the power to hurt you. Be very cautious who you give your heart to.
11. I want to do one thing every day that scares me.
12. College was the most stable part of my life. It was consistent and beautiful and I should have enjoyed it more.
13. Amanda and Christine are my insides. They are heart. They are everything to me.
14. Thank God for painting and poetry! It is what cultivates my spirit to be honest with yourself.
15. Being the bigger person usually leads to vulnerability and then hurt from another person.
16. I think I have really given up on love. It hurts to say that, but I don't think my heart can take any more, maybe its just not for me.
17. I'm curious to see how our society will change after Obama gets into office.
18. I need more humor in my life. I need to laugh more.
19. I need people in my life. I need my friends, and family; because I can't do this on my own..and I don't even want to try.
20. A beer at the end of the day always makes me feel so much better.
21. I am terrified that I have lost the love of my life.
22. I am always scared that I am out of God's will...and I need to do some serious work on that.
23. I will always be different. I will always fight for justice and love. And that's not really cool all the time..and I have to be okay with that. I have to be okay with not being respected and loved for what I want to do with my life...just love.
24. I miss. I miss all the time. There is always someone or something that I miss.
25. At the end of the day I love myself. I am so thankful that God gave me the desire to fight, to want more, and to live the best I possibly can.

This is life. With all its random thoughts. These are the thoughts that we don't pay attention too..however be careful, because these could be the thoughts that lead you closer to yourself. Keep an eye out for these random thoughts..who knows what great things they could lead to. Think more. Let yourself go there, it could be the most beautiful place you've ever been. Authentic and genuine...You.

Monday, November 10, 2008

I think I was wrong about mistakes...

So today is one of those days where God is speaking constantly..not a moment has passed..not a breathe taken..not a thought has crossed where God has not spoken today.So I am sorry that I am all over the place. Forgive me :)

Fear is the cornerstone of my strength.
I choose stillness because I fear moving in the wrong direction.
I choose happiness because I fear not being able to handle loneliness.
I choose to be the bigger person in situations because I fear others feeling hurt.
I choose to love only when I'm loved back because I fear pain.

I feel empowered when I don't make mistakes...when I don't give myself the chance to fail I feel strong. Because I rather not choose at all then to miss the "right".
As much as I preach about risks my life is safe.
When it comes to love..I am safe. Even though this is the one thing I have convinced myself that I fight for.

This is the deal. My love has nothing to do with someone else's reaction.
If God were to say I will only love you, when you love me back..then everything I believe in as a Christ-follower is a lie.
God gave his life for all. Whether they loved him or not. Whether they respected him or not. Whether he was there #1 in their life..or not.

So who are we to say that the moment we feel rejected or are fearful of someones love..we throw that love out the window. Like it was nonexistent.

This love that I am talking about is the love you give..
your family
your enemy
your co-worker
your partner

Because if we are honest with ourselves its not just our lovers that can hurt us..its the world.
And when things aren't going our way, we back off...
where did that love go? Can we only truly love those who love us back..I hope not because that's a lonely life, that I'm not willing to explore.
And we..we are called to greatness. We are called to unconditionally love others with everything in our being.

Friends...I will love you when you hate me. I will love you if you reject me. I will love you always.
If you wrong me I will give you my other check and forgive.
And if you need it I will give you my life.

Love is the greatest risk of all can loose your heart, your life, and yourself.
But with great risk comes great rewards and great joy.

So today my dear friends
Choose Love

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

When the heart goes pitter patter

Lately I have been thinking a lot about love. The most beautiful..exciting..scary thing God ever created.

I have been wondering where people have I missed it...what are they lacking when it comes to the past loves' of their life. I think I have figured it out...the pitter patter.

The pitter patter...when the heart actually skips a beat..when there are butterflies in the stomach every time you see your love. During the hard times...the sad times...and the broken times...the pitter patter helps in keeping the happiness alive. Its the moment you look forward to everyday...the moment you can't wait to wake up to...and its the moment that makes it hard to sleep because you don't want to miss a second of it.

The pitter beautiful. It's exciting, and adventurous..and at the same time scary. But its worth the fear because that emotion...that like a drug. And the second you taste it, you never want to put it down. Even if that moment never returns again, you'll always live remembering what that felt like, and hoping that one day it will return.

The journey back to the pitter patter makes life a treasure hunt, that even though you move forward with your life, you still keep one eye open...just in case. Always being ready for that moment to meet it again. This hunt is what keeps you hoping for true love. A love so pure that the pitter patter is ever consuming...and constantly remarkable.

I have met people who experience the pitter patter even though it does not exist for their love. This is the tricky thing. In order for true love to survive the pitter patter has to exist for both people.

So my dear friends...move forward to the your love...and experience the beauty God designed...the pitter patter...

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Open your eyes boy...I made it through the night

Open your eyes I am here. I am here to love, and experience with you.

Open your eyes I am full of pain. Pain that has stretched and pierced through my heart.

Open your eyes I need you. While I have never needed anyone as much as I need you now.

Open your eyes or I may be gone the day you decide to look at me.

Beyond all fear...all pain..and your eyes.